“Welcome to my bridal party. I thought today would be a great day to start this chain, as it is officially six months until my wedding day.
1. Weigh-ins will begin in 3 weeks. I for one would really like some time after Thanksgiving to make my body forget about what it consumed, so I thought I would give you guys some cushion room.
2. No-one can be skinnier than the bride. That means Kelly and Lizzie will be on a protein weight gainer diet exclusively until May. I will have the nutritionist call you to discuss diet plans.
3. Bed times leading up to the wedding will be strictly enforced. I absolutely cannot have you all have saggy, baggy eyes. I am sure you all understand.
4. Swimwear attire: I would like everyone to wear matching bikinis that have rhinestones on the tushie spelling out “maids".
5. All bikinis leading up to the wedding must be strapless bandeaus. I cannot have terrible tan lines in strapless dresses.
6. Sunscreen: We need to make sure you ladies look lovely and radiant and not red and reptile like. Pack accordingly.
7. Speeches: If you plan to make a toast, please submit it for approval and revision, no later than 4 weeks prior to the wedding.
8. Haircuts: If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well).
9. Attendance: is strongly requested at all events but I will make some exceptions on a case by case basis.
10. Ink: Consider this a moratorium on future tattoos until June 5th. Those of you with visible artwork will be privately contacted with (temporary) removal instructions.
Thank you for your time and consideration. Should everyone abide by these minor requests, I am sure we will all have a memorable weekend.
Just kidding bitches, well, sorta. love you all,
It has been brought to my attention that one of my Maids is in violation of Rule 8 of the Bridal Party Contract. Rule 8 clearly stipulates that "If you plan on chopping off your locks, please submit your proposed new look prior to any actions (this applies to coloring as well)."
While I am sure this was a minor oversight by my bad little bee, I would like to remind everyone of the ramifications of violating any of the aforementioned rules. Failure to adhere to my commandments, can result in Bridal party banishment!
I would appreciate a call from the hair-color-changing culprit immediately, with a proposed remedy by the end of the day.
The Queen Bee
Hello my faithful bees,
Chloe has colored her hair. She has repented her sins to the QB and she has been forgiven for her minor lapse in forgetting the protocol.
Kudos to Chelsea for asking permission to cut her hair, unfortunately, her request is DENIED.
Onto to my next point. We will begin weekly weigh-ins on January 17th. I will be sending over the form for everyone to fill out and submit with a picture of the scale shortly.
The Queen Bee
Good afternoon all of my faithful bees. It brings me great sadness to write this e-mail but it was brought to my attention that one of my chosen-bees has defected. She is in violation of Rule 8, despite asking permission and having her request denied! The punishment is obviously bridal party banishment. However, after careful consideration, I have decided to re-instate her status on a provision basis. As long as her bangs grow out by [date two weeks before the wedding], she will be allowed to participate in our festivities. She has reassured me that she will be using horse shampoo for rapid hair growth until that point.
Additionally, if anyone does decide to break any future rules, please do not try to justify your behavior by telling me what other maids are doing in other weddings. I do not care and I am the QB.
Hello My Beautiful Bees,
All of you should be receiving your dresses in the mail shortly, I know some of you already have. If you could please send me a picture of yourself in the dress, I would greatly appreciate it. I am assuming the dress is going to mandate spanx b/c the material is unforgiving, so I am curious to see how it will look.
I hope everyone is on a water and rice cake diet from this point forward. I would also appreciate it if everyone incorporated arm workouts into their daily routine... Remember no pashminas, just long and slender arms!!!
And that one bridesmaid was later asked to "wear a pashmina to cover her 'fat arms.'"
草莓超甜的呦：谁爱当谁当 老娘不当 神经病！